


Toxicity

by Merkey666



Series: High School Au [3]
Category: Mindless Self Indulgence (Band), Paramore
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, One Shot, Revelations, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 09:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17159402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merkey666/pseuds/Merkey666
Summary: Too much school stress causes a few meltdowns around Christmas time... Hayley has a few Lindsey-related revelations.





	Toxicity

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work is not meant to paint m/f relationships in a bad light, rather to point out all too common issues within these relationships, including power-imbalances, overabundance of control, and verbal abuse. These problems do not exclusively exist in m/f relationships, but they are arguably more prominent. 
> 
> Happy winter-related holidays

“Kick his ass for me,” Lindsey hissed, giving Hayley a good push to get her on her way. 

Hayley felt like she had fire in her eyes. She scowled as deeply as she knew how and trudged across the field to kick some ass. 

~

Hayley wasn’t the best girlfriend. Her need for quiet, and alone time conflicted with the entire concept of dating a boy. Her guy friends seemed like hell-beasts to entertain, and her boyfriend fit the bill. He went to a different school, so she didn’t often see him on weekdays and her weekends were crammed. She tried, sometimes, but then she’d get shit from Lindsey for being a slave to mankind. Hayley tended to agree. 

Therefore, her boyfriend never made her top three things she needed to focus on. School came first, then her friends, and then Lindsey. She wasn’t entirely sure how it all happened, but over the course of the last year, Lindsey had become a category of her own. 

As best as she could recall, it began in December, and by midterms, everything had spiraled out of control. Fun times. 

“Yes, class, this /is/ going to be on the final. This whole semester is going to be on the final, it’s cumulative, remember?” sighed the teacher, pointing at the smudgy white-board. Half the class had their heads in their hands. A few people were face down. Hayley was closer to crying at school than she’d ever felt before. There was just too much to study for. 

Some smartass in the back row started rapid-firing questions that Hayley didn’t have the bandwidth to think about. She pursed his lips and checked the clock. Two minutes, then she was out. She rubbed her eyes and sighed loudly enough for Ryan to nudge her.

/You good?/ he mouthed. 

Hayley made a gun with her fingers and put it next to her head. Ryan snorted in agreement and turned back to the teacher. Hayley spent the rest of the class trying to steal Ryan’s backpack from under his desk without him noticing. She was almost in the clear when the bell rang and he whacked her with a rolled up packet of papers. 

Laughing, they packed up and left. Ryan waved her off and went his own way. She decided to grab her box of emergency highlighters out of her locker before she left. She was supposed to be seeing her boyfriend after school, but her stress was putting her in a bad mood. Maybe if she lingered at her locker and “accidentally” missed the school bus… 

“Aw, shit,” she sighed sarcastically, as she watched the school bus drive away. She pulled out her phone and sent a phony text to her boyfriend, about missing a bus and a shitty day overall, not really caring what his response would be. She tucked her phone back in her pocket and looked around.

“Oh, shit,” she muttered seriously, realizing that she would have to walk home, alone, in the snow. That bus was her only way home. Her day was not improving. 

“Need a ride?” asked a very devilish voice from behind her. It accompanied the smell of cigarettes, the only smell that was genuinely ugly, according to Hayley. 

Hayley whipped around and smacked the cigarette out of Lindsey’s mouth. She picked it up from the frosty ground and dunked it in the trash. “Trash. Where garbage belongs.”

“Oh, please,” Lindsey laughed. “It’s not worse than those shrooms you did, Hayley.”

“That was ONE TIME, Linds, and I don’t even know if it was shrooms.” Hayley hesitated and let Lindsey’s chaotic energy relax her. Just by being together, Hayley started to unwind and feel a little better about the upcoming finals. “But hey, if that ride offer still stands, I wouldn’t turn that town. As long as you don’t smoke in the car.”

“Fine, fine,” Lindsey grabbed her by the arm and started strutting toward her car. “But you’ve gotta tell me about your day. I saw that text you sent from over your shoulder, and that shit was icy, babe.”

“Are you stalking me?”

“Only a little. Why? Should I be?”

Hayley burst out laughing and piled all her stuff into the car with her. Her breath shone in the depleting sunlight. Lindsey’s car felt like an ice box.

Lindsey cranked the heat and started the ignition. “But for real, how’s that boyfriend of yours coming?”

“Often, but only over text.”

“Oh, God,” Lindsey spluttered. “Gross.” She shifted the gear into reverse and they shot out of the parking lot, backwards. 

Without warning, Hayley burst into the longest rant she’d ever accomplished. The main points were finals, relationship struggles, the usual. There was always the neat fact that Hayley was pretty sure she was a lesbian, but that one never really bothered her much. Lindsey knew, most likely, and Hayley assumed that was why she’d asked about the boyfriend. 

“Seems like you have too much on your plate,” Lindsey analyzed. 

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Ouch, spicy. Hey, how about you come over to my house and study. Tell Brad or whoever the fuck you’re dating that I kidnapped you. That excuse always works,” Lindsey offered, driving and shuffling her playlist at the same time. 

Hayley mumbled an affirmative and texted her boyfriend. She didn’t mind listening to whatever Lindsey put forward because Lindsey had never made her do anything she regretted later on, and after seven years, Hayley really doubted that would change now. Especially when Lindsey commented on how Hayley’s boyfriend was a dick and didn’t deserve her. Said boyfriend replied to Hayley’s excuse with a disgruntled comment about how she was always as Lindsey’s, and they never got to spend any time together, and that she was a shitty girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Just the usual. 

Most of that was justified, Hayley understood that. However, whenever her boyfriend stopped whining and started being flat-out rude, Hayley stopped feeling bad about it all. 

Lindsey’s house was nice. Maybe not huge or fancy, but Hayley loved it. Especially the living room. The living room was bigger than hers, and it was filled with weird, old shit that made the house feel cozy and creepy all at once. Lindsey and Hayley clutched onto the stair railing to avoid slipping and curb-stomping themselves as the hiked up the two-billion flights. 

Lindsey unlocked the door and was making hot chocolate before Hayley could set her backpack down. 

“You’re going to let me study, by the way,” Hayley called out, reorganizing the furniture to suit her needs. 

“I am?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a Mr. Palmer final, remember? Not everyone has Ms. Benoit, you privileged bitch,” Hayley scowled, digging a pen out of her jacket pocket. 

“WOAH, SWEAR POLICE!” Lindsey hollered, gingerly carrying two full mugs of instant hot chocolate into the living room. 

“You’re one to talk,” Hayley giggled, blowing on her hot milk with chocolate lumps in it. “Ms. Nicotine addiction.”

“Those two things have nothing to do with each other!” Lindsey contested, trying to drink her hot cocoa and failing. “Fuck, that’s hot!” 

Hayley tried to jab Lindsey the hypocritical swear policewoman, but she apparently forgot there was a cup of hot liquid in her hand, so what ended up happening was two cases of second degree burns and a sticky couch. 

They swore like sailors in that moment. Lindsey hopped up and started jumping up and down, as though she could shake off the scalding liquid. Hayley ran her palms down her legs, rubbing the stains around, instead of rubbing them out. As the panic wore off, and her legs, still burning, were completely slathered brown, Hayley sighed. 

Lindsey started to laugh. “You look like you’re gonna cry!”

Hayley laughed too, teary eyed. “Shut up, I’ve had a long day,” she snickered. “And now I’ve shit my pants. Great, this really is one fantastic holiday season.”

“Yeah, you shit all over my couch too.”

Hayley sniffled and choked on a laugh. “Sorry about that.”

She and Lindsey looked at each other for a moment. The house was completely silent, and Hayley’s legs were still burning. She couldn’t risk saying anything because no matter what she knew she’d either cry or laugh before getting it out. 

“Here,” Lindsey offered her a hand up. “Let’s wash off.” 

Hayley stood, and noticed her chocolate-y english homework. “Shit! That’s my final essay draft!”

“Leave it,” Lindsey urged, pulling her by the arm to the bathroom. “I’m gonna change your contact name to shit-ass if you don’t come with me right now.”

Hayley didn’t want to leave her homework all damp and stained, but she didn’t want to be damp and stained either, and she could always rewrite her draft. She somewhat involuntarily followed Lindsey down the long hallway to the bathroom. Hayley had old memories of that bathroom-- the door didn’t have a lock, but it was so hard to open that nobody worried about getting walked in on. 

At Lindsey’s birthday party in third grade, some third-grade party goer locked themself in the bathroom and Lindsey’s dad had to climb a ladder outside and pull the kid out through the window. Lindsey claimed the kid went to therapy because of it, and Hayley believed her. 

Lindsey clicked on the light and started running the sink. She pulled off her pants and left them in a crumpled pile on the floor. She ushered Hayley to do the same as she wiped the sticky chocolate goo off of her legs. 

When Lindsey finished scrubbing herself down and gave Hayley a turn at the sink that was never not clogged, she rifled through the drawers of the messy bathroom to find some ointment for burns. She choked on a laugh as though she’d thought of something, and the noise made Hayley’s blood run cold. 

“Okay, chico--”

“God, you’re gonna fail Spanish,” Hayley muttered. “It’s /chica/ for girls, dumbass.”

“I can’t find anything for burns, but you know what always makes me feel better?” Lindsey waited for Hayley to respond.

Hayley shut off the sink and purposely ignored Lindsey until she prepared herself for whatever fuckery would come next. She sighed and wiped her legs down with a towel. “I dunno, Lindsey, what does make you feel better?”

Lindsey scooted across the bathroom until she stood between Hayley and the shower. She turned the knob. “A nice, cold shower.”

“NO--”

Lindsey grabbed Hayley by the arm, and both of them, laughing, tumbled into the shower. Not only had the water heater not had any time to activate, the pipes were cold from the snow, and Hayley had never been colder in her life. And Lindsey had no shower mat, so the shower was like a slip ‘n’ slide of wet limbs and loose hair. Hayley kept getting water in her mouth because her laughter kept forcing it open, and for a few moments she was genuinely worried she might drown. 

Finally, she grabbed the knob and while she didn’t turn the shower off, she hit the hot water knob, so she wouldn’t have to freeze any longer. The both of them collapsed on the floor and sat there, breathing heavy and laughing. Hayley looked at Lindsey, who was spitting water out of her mouth and wiping her eyes. Then the water turned hot, and the screaming continued as they scrambled to get out of the shower once and for all.

Thirty minutes later, towelled off and wearing Lindsey’s clothes, both girls laid on Lindsey’s bed, kicking back and relaxing. Out of all the rooms in Lindsey’s fun house of a home, Hayley liked this one the best. Everything was dark and edgy, from the pigment of the hand-painted walls, to the sheets on the bed. But the back of the room had three large windows. Most of the time, Lindsey kept curtains over them to keep out the light, but Hayley prefered them open. All the light in the world came in, and she could see Lindsey’s back yard, all dusted with snow. 

A couple of years ago, when Lindsey had transitioned from classic emo to stylish edgelord, she’d pushed her bed against the windows so the bed stuck out and the headboard was literally a window pane. This way, she could lay on her bed and press her face against the window, and also heighten her chance of getting murdered in her sleep. Hayley loved it.

“What should we listen to?” asked Linsey, futzing with a record player that nobody in the household knew how to use. 

“No music. I’d rather listen to you rant about something. You get so mad that I start laughing and I really love laughing. It keeps the stress at bay.”

“First of all, I cannot believe you said the words ‘no music’. That alone is warranting me to kick you out. But you threw a compliment in there, so I guess I can’t resist. What topic would you like today, dear?” Lindsey replied, throwing herself back onto the bed with Hayley. 

“I dunno. Maybe something to do with our friends? Don’t get me wrong, I think drama is a cheap way to make yourself feel better at the expense of others, but if you’ve got something mild for me, I might not say no.”

Lindsey thought on that. “Well, I can’t think of much, to be honest. You’re always with me, so there’s not a whole lot for me to fill you in on.”

“What about in Ms. Benoit’s? That’s like, one of my only classes without you.”

“Last week she told Pete that he was one chemical accident away from becoming The Joker,” Lindsey snickered.

Hayley howled with laughter and tucker her knees into her chest. “She’s so not wrong though!”

“I know,” Lindsey snorted. “He was talking to that one weird guy who watches executions in his spare time, and… fuck, I don’t even remember what he asked her but it was so great that it prompted her to say that so…”

Hayley laughed some more and then sighed, smiling. “You know what I just realized? My boyfriend is definitely the ‘watches executions in his spare time’ kind of dude. That’s so wretched,” she groaned. 

Lindsey shrieked with laughter. 

Hayley assumed she agreed, but she wasn’t happy about that. “Shut up! I cannot believe you allowed me to date some weird gore fetishist! I can’t believe you’re still letting me date some weird fetishist!” Hayley kicked her playfully until Lindsey rolled off the bed and onto the floor, still cackling like a witch. 

“Hey, Hayley,” she snickered darkly, peeking her head high enough for Hayley to see. “Does he, like, make you pretend--”

“NO! I am /not/ letting you finish that sentence!” Hayley laughed in spite of herself. 

“Mmm, Brad, wanna tie me up like--”

“STOOOOOOOP!” Hayley howled, covering her ears with her hands. She kicked her legs in the air in protest, but she wasn’t wearing any pants, so she quickly put her legs back down. 

Lindsey crawled back up onto the bed, still laughing, and sequestered a pillow for strangling. She was a hardcore cuddler. “So, then. Girl talk.”

Hayley tentatively took her hands off her ears. 

Lindsey rolled onto her side. “What do you actually like about this gore-freak of yours? It’s always, /ugh Brad I’m too tired to come over/, or /oh Brad you’re so old school and lowkey misogynistic/. Tell me then, what is so wonderful about old Bradley?”

“His name’s not even Brad, Lindsey!” 

“And my name isn’t even Lindsey!”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, it is, but I want you to answer my question.”

Hayley snorted and rolled her eyes. “I mean… a shitty boyfriend is still better than no boyfriend, right? And to be honest, he’s not even that bad. I’m the one that can’t make time for him. I feel bad, y’know? I’m so busy on the weekends and he never gets to see me. I’m a terrible girlfriend and he knows it.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“I mean, yeah, but he didn’t have to. I know it, too.”

Lindsey looked immensely skeptical, but allowed her to continue. 

“But he’s… nice. He teaches me how to play his first-person shooter games… they’re kinda violent, but that’s the point so I shouldn’t complain. And his parents aren’t home often so I can go over whenever, which is good, because again, I’m never around.”

“Neither of those things are about him. He likes video games about killing people and you happen to be around when he plays them, and his parents aren’t around a lot so you can have massive sex frenzies, cool.”

“WE DO NOT!” Hayley shouted, hitting Lindsey with a pillow. 

“Mhmm, sure. If not that, then what?”

“Oh,” Hayley realised. “This is what you meant by girl talk. You wanna know if we’re having sex, right? I blew you off last weekend to see him and you wanna know what we did, right?”

“I mean, yes, but I was trying to be subtle.”

Hayley scoffed. “Subtle. That’s cute.”

“So, tell me, ma’am. Hast thou completed cunnilingus?” Lindsey asked, scooting closer. 

Hayley held her tongue for a moment, studying Lindsey. She shamed herself for hesitating even for a second because she knew that no amount of torture or peer pressure would make Lindsey reveal her best friend’s secrets. She rolled onto her side to face her. 

“Yes, we’ve done it.”

Lindsey squealed and bit her lip. “Tell me more, tell me more!” she sang.

“He didn’t ever pressure me, let me just throw that out there. But, yeah. He invited me over a month ago and we ended up kissing in his room, and I was on his lap and he pulled out a condom and asked if I wanted too and duh, I did, so that’s how it happened.”

“Just as vanilla as your skin. Did you blow him?”

“Yes. Dicks are… just disgusting and not meant to be in mouths.”

“I have several friends, male and female that would disagree. Have you considered that you’re a les--”

“Yes, Lindsey, we all know I’m a lesbian, that’s why I’m dating a man,” Hayley laughed. 

Lindsey laughed too, nodding along. “I see. Here, how about this: does he ever kiss you?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Do you like it?”

“I don’t like his half-assed facial hair. It’s scratchy and my skin is way too moisturized to be scraped up like that,” she said, rubbing her cheeks. “I don’t deserve that.”

“Agree. Skin care is so expensive,” Lindsey complained. “Have you ever kissed a girl? Typically, no facial hair.”

“Believe it or not, no. God,” Hayley sighed sarcastically. “I am just the worst lesbian!”

“Oh, fuck off.” 

They laid there, snickering quietly. The light outside was nearly gone and the small Christmas lights that lined the walls were casting a somehow festive glow against the black walls. Lindsey’s bedding was so soft and Hayley felt like she could melt into it. She nestled her head in a little deeper and let the last of her laughter wean out. Then Lindsey asked,

“Would you like to?”

“What?” 

“Kiss a girl?”

Hayley felt like TV static just thinking about it. “Sure, that doesn’t seem too bad.”

“It’s the no facial hair thing, isn’t it?”

It really wasn’t. “It really is.”

“Cool,” Lindsey agreed. “Lay one on me.”

Hayley didn’t even hesitate, and she didn’t know why. 

Lindsey’s lips tasted like chapstick. Lindsey’s chapstick. Very red, very pretty, very artificial cherry. And her skin was so unbelievably soft that it knocked her boyfriend completely out of the ballpark. She pulled back, since it was just a test-drive, after all.

“Hmm, interesting.”

“¿Bueno?”

“Sí, señorita.”

Lindsey gave her an ‘okay’ symbol and puckered her lips to rub her chapstick around again. Hayley rolled onto her back and listened as Lindsey started talking about Ms. Benoit’s class some more, but it was just superficial. She laughed along, enjoying the story, but Lindsey’s hair was still wet. And it was splayed everywhere. And Lindsey had eyeliner smudges around her eyes, and her lips were still cherry red and God, Hayley wanted to taste them again. 

Nothing about that irked her at all, for some reason. Wanting to kiss Lindsey? No biggie. 

She waited until the story was over and then turned to look over at her. Lindsey wasn’t staring at the ceiling anymore, she was staring back. It was like a switch flipped and Hayley ended up on a lap again. She wasn’t sure how she always ended up there, but she wasn’t wearing pants and Lindsey’s lips felt perfect on hers. She wasn’t asking for more, but Lindsey’s hands were trailing up the back of her sweater and she was not about to complain. 

Hayley definitely liked running her hands through long hair. Hair that was so silky and soft it was hard to imagine it ever being greasy, although it was, most of the time. Not Gerard greasy, but up there. Ew, Gerard. Suddenly, thinking about boys was not something she wanted to do. What she did want was for Lindsey to keep running her hands up and down her back. She also didn’t mind the noises Lindsey was making when she could taste Hayley in her mouth. 

Hayley’s phone went off. Her ringtone, Toxic by Britney Spears, felt a little too on the nose. She rolled off of Lindsey and grabbed it. 

“Hey, Mom.” Hayley kept her back to Lindsey deliberately while she listened to her mom chastising her about not telling her that she was going somewhere after school, and tried to calm herself down. 

“Yeah, okay, I’ll be ready in ten. Thanks, bye.” She hung up and threw her head back with a groan. She still didn’t want to look Lindsey in the eye. Or… at all. 

“You gotta blast?” Lindsey asked, surprisingly calmly. 

Hayley turned back to find Lindsey scrolling through Instagram already, as though nothing had happened. She was sorta glad that Lindsey wasn’t making it into a big deal, and she didn’t care whether or not she was pretending. 

“Yeah. My mom is gonna be here soon. She wanted to help me with my essay tonight and I forgot. And now it’s covered in hot chocolate, so that’s not gonna up her mood. Oh, well. What’s fucked is fucked.”

“You can’t just steal Frank’s “what’s fucked is fucked” and not expect me to call you out for plagiarism.”

Hayley smiled, and rifled around the floor, looking for some pants to wear. They were about the same weight, but Lindsey was, like, a whole foot taller. The jeans would just have socks attached and that would have to be fine. 

“I’m keeping these clothes because I like them,” Hayley stated, yanking up the pants. 

“I expected nothing less, dear,” Lindsey replied, skipping out of her room. 

Hayley stood in Lindsey’s room for a few moments longer, feeling weirdly spacey after everything that happened. The bed was still quaint, pressed up against the window, but all she could think about was Lindsey potentially unclasping her bra if her stupid mom hadn’t called. Hayley shook herself out of it, knowing she’d get lost in the illusion if she stood there too long. 

Approximately seven and a half minutes later, Hayley’s mom met her at the curb. Hayley waved bye to Lindsey who stayed inside because “It’s colder than Ryan’s broken heart out there”. Hayley kicked her in the back of the knee for that one. 

“So, how’s Lindsey?” Hayley’s mom asked, driving away from said person’s house.

“She’s fine,” Hayley replied, cranking up the heat. 

“That’s oddly simplistic. Anything going on between you two girls?”

/If only you knew/, Hayley thought to herself, even though she knew her mom didn’t mean it like that. “Not really. She’s just hyper, as usual, and I’m pretty stressed about finals.”

“Well, didn't you two get some studying done? Peer reviews can be pretty helpful.”

“All we managed to do was spill hot cocoa over my essay draft.”

Hayley’s mom sighed and said nothing else. Hayley referred to this as “letting the disappointment ring”. 

~

Hayley didn’t sleep well that night. And in the morning, her stress and relationship complications with Lindsey all came crashing down in the school’s second floor bathroom when Hayley, midway through washing her hands, realized that she had cheated on her boyfriend, through and through. 

Luckily, Meagan found her and collected Ryan from his study hall to help console her. Hayley knew well enough that telling Meagan anything would result in the whole school knowing. She loved Meagan, but that girl could spare no detail with Pete, and she only knew Pete well enough to dislike him. Ryan, however, got the full blast. 

“--And, and then I kissed her again and-- I’m not even worried about the gay thing because I’m so used to be contractually a lesbian but I cheated on my boyfriend, and even though he’s a douche sometimes, that doesn’t mean that he deserves me cheating and--” Hayley hiccupped and buried her face in her hands, crying. 

Ryan patted her back and let her cry on his shoulder. “Do you wanna know what I think you should do?”

“What, cause I need a man to explain everything to me?” Hayley cried. 

“No, I’m sorry. You’re right,” Ryan agreed, rubbing her back and smiling softly. 

“Continue though, I need advice.”

“I can’t guarantee it’ll be good advice,” he cautioned her. 

“Bad advice is better than no advice,” she groaned miserably. 

“That’s seriously not true. Not to be harsh, but knowing that’s not true is called having standards, Hayley. I love you, but I have never heard you say a single good thing about your boyfriend and--”

“WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO BRING UP MY BOYFRIEND?” she shrieked.

Ryan looked sadly at her, too sympathetic to be mad. “Okay. How about this: I’d tell him. Hiding it will only make it worse in the long run.”

She took a shaky breath and eventually nodded. “I think that’s right. It sounds right.” She was beginning to calm down. Her breath came more evenly, and her tears were starting to dry. Most of her tantrum wasn’t brought on by Lindsey, it originated from midterm stress. It accumulated in her because she did not have a good way to deal with it at the time being. She wiped her eyes and slouched against Ryan. His weird scarf was really soft and she was so tired that maybe she could just drift off, right then and there…

“Hayley? Are you all right?” 

Her eyes shot open and she glared up at Lindsey. “No,” she stated, standing up and shouldering her backpack. “I’m not fucking all right, Lindsey. I’m not sure if you know this, but I am actually, right now, in this moment, part of a broken relationship. The broken part is the trust. Because, again, I’m not sure if you fully understand this, but I have a boyfriend. And he is very nice to me, sometimes. So, I’m only going to say this once.” Hayley realized that she wasn’t even mad at Lindsey, and her words failed her. 

“Tell me what?” Lindsey’s voice was small, and scared. 

Hayley couldn’t cope with the situation any longer and brushed past Lindsey with a shaky, “Leave me alone.”

Hayley spent the rest of the day telling people that her makeup was /intentionally/ smeared, because it was a new trend. Not that she forgot her eyeliner at home and had to deal with the aftermath of crying in the bathroom for twenty minutes, and then outside the bathroom for another ten. And that whole lie wasn’t fun. However, it wasn’t nearly as bad as what she had to do when she got home.

She sat down, anxious. After working up some serious courage, she texted her boyfriend. It was a long text, so long she wasn’t sure he’d even read it. While she waited for him to read it, she looked around her room. It wasn’t very Christmassy, but she was glad. Any lights would remind her of Lindsey’s house. Nearly everything reminded her of Lindsey because their lives had been intertwined for years. 

Her phone dinged. At first it was one small message. “I can’t believe you.” And then it was a second. “Really? You spend months leading me on, and you go make out with your best friend?” And then another and another, each more horrible than the one before it. Part of Hayley knew that it was just easier to be mean over text, but another part of her knew that he meant this and that she deserved it. 

“She’s not even pretty! And you’re not gay! Are you just a thot or something? You’ve always been so unreliable, and you’re not going to live this down. You’re such a cunt, Hayley. Go eat some.”

She stared at her phone until the tears in her eyes made her blink. Then she threw it across the room and curled into a ball, crying, until she fell asleep. 

~

Hayley woke up the next morning to a flurry of messages. They were hard to read through her newly cracked phone screen. Most of it was the Skype chat, on fire, screaming about finals and practice tests and the answers to last night’s chemistry homework that nobody did. One text was from Lindsey.

“I’m so sorry.”

Hayley ignored it and checked the rest of the messages. There were a few more from her boyfriend that she assumed were just abuse, but the timestamp said they came in at about two-thirty a.m., so she clicked on then anyway.

“Hayley. Listen to me. I’m gonna be the bigger man here and take you back. I still can’t believe you’d cheat on me, but it counts less since you frenched a girl, not a dude. Whatever, the betrayal is still there. But like I said, I’m gonna give you another chance to prove your loyalty to me because--and I’m not sure you know this--I’m a nice guy. So stop talking shit about me to your fake friends and prove to me that you’re my girlfriend, not just another insta-whore. You don’t post nudes, so I thought you’d be different. If I wanted a girl like that, they’re a dime a dozen on Instagram. Don’t make me regret this.”

It was enough for Hayley to keep ignoring Lindsey’s text. 

Seeing her at school was rough. Hayley figured that leaving Lindsey on read got the message across, since she left Hayley alone for the rest of the week. Not having to entertain Lindsey gave Hayley a lot of free time to go over to her boyfriend’s house and try to study while he played war games and shouted slurs over the headset. On the plus side, being around him more often helped her get her sexual frustration out, even if once or twice she thought about Lindsey when he went down on her. 

The last week before school got out, the week of finals, her stress peaked. She supposed her boyfriend’s did too, since he demanded to see her almost everyday. It wasn’t like she could say no, since she was still essentially being hazed. But she needed to study and she knew it. Her lunch breaks were taken in the library, where no food was allowed. She ate during class when the teacher allowed it, and some days she didn’t eat at all. 

But at some point she knew there’d be another melt down, she just wasn’t sure when. The answer laid in the nexus of being under-fed, under-slept, overworked, over-exerted, emotionally unstable, and Lindsey smiled at her in the hallway, which was basically the last straw. 

The problem was not that Lindsey was fraternizing with the enemy, that Hayley could stomach. What bothered her was how badly she wanted to make everything okay. Before texting her boyfriend she hadn’t thought about what it would mean for them. Were they even still friends? Hayley didn’t know, that’s for damn sure. But she wanted to be. Yet when Hayley thought about what she wanted, it wasn’t to be friends with Lindsey. It was to go back into that moment, laying on her bed, at peace with the world. At peace with Lindsey. 

Everything around her told her she couldn’t have that anymore. Hayley felt like she was trying to untangle a knot that got tighter every time she felt an emotion. So she went home early and took a good old depression nap until suddenly it was three forty-five. Then she pulled out her broken phone and hyperventilated through the writing of a whole paragraph to Lindsey. Except for, when she read it, she had no idea what the fuck she was talking about. What was her problem after all?

So she erased the whole thing and fell back asleep, deciding that this whole clusterfuck would have to wait until finals week was over to be unfucked. 

~

Hayley’s perception of time throughout that week was not very linear. Suddenly it was Tuesday and then she was taking a final on Thursday and she didn’t even remember Wednesday and then oh, fuck, it was Friday and she had to talk to Lindsey that day, she was pretty sure. 

She stepped out of the English classroom doors and the moment she smelled that familiar whiff of decaying school lunch and garbage air, she knew she was done. Now she had two whole weeks to be sad and gay and alone with Fuckface the boyfriend. But she didn’t really want that, and she knew it, so she circled back to exactly why she wanted to talk with Lindsey. 

And she realized, with shocking clarity, it was because nothing in her life mattered nearly as much to her as Lindsey did. Lindsey did have a special place on her list of priorities, and it was and always had been number one. Hayley’s heart felt light and fluttery. Thinking about Lindsey made that tight little knot of confusion loosen a little. And she knew what she had to do.

Hayley had finished her last final and was free to go home, but instead of following the masses out the front doors, she went out the side, toward the track. Her cracked phone was warm in her hand when she texted Lindsey to meet her there on the field. For the first time in a long week, she felt okay. That didn’t sound like much, but it was a big step up from telling her classmates that a tear streaked face was a new fashion trend. 

The track was icy and cold as hell--yes, colder than Ryan’s sad, broken heart. Hayley snickered a little bit at that and instantly felt bad. She waited in the middle of the field, hugging her arms around herself to keep in some shred of heat. The sky was quickly darkening and soon Hayley began to get nervous. The overhead lights weren’t going to come on, so she’d be stranded in the dark, freezing to death from her own broken heart. 

“HEY-O! ANYBODY OUT THERE?” came the sound of a far-off Lindsey. “IF BRAD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK IS HERE TO AMBUSH ME, COME AT ME MOTHERFUCKER!”

Hayley was too frozen to laugh. Her fingers felt like ice and her stomach was churning with nervous energy. Then Lindsey noticed her. Her posture changed. She un-stuffed her hands from her pockets and picked up speed as she ran to Hayley. 

They collided and Lindsey held her so tightly that a joint or two crackled. “I wasn’t sure you’d actually show up, y’know? I thought maybe it was a joke or Brad coming to assassinate me for macking on his girlfriend.” Lindsey pulled back and held Hayley by the shoulders. “You are still his girlfriend, right?”

Hayley had never wanted to not be his girlfriend as much as she did in that moment. She almost said no, even though that was a lie and only dug her deeper into the pit of /oh, fuck, I think I’m into Lindsey/. “Yeah, I am.”

Lindsey sighed and tapped her lightly. “Oh.” Lindsey herself “let the disappointment ring”. She let go and began picking at the skin around her black nails, waiting for Hayley to say or do whatever she had planned on. 

Only, Hayley’s whole plan of making up with Lindsey seemed a little anticlimactic to her now. Lindsey was clearly ready to be friends again, assuming they stopped, and Hayley had the words all prepped and ready but when the time came to say them… they didn’t do enough to explain how she felt. What she had been dealing with for the past week. What she wanted, going forward. She thought of her boyfriend and sucked it up, and spat them out. 

“Let me start by saying I’m really sorry for how I acted on… well, on whatever day that was. I know I’m only making excuses here, but I was really stressed out. I made it into a way bigger deal than it needed to be because of all the pressure I was under. I had finals, and-and I know that you did too, so I guess this goes so show how well I do under pressure, but I wasn’t taking care of myself afterwards and I fell into this spiral of not feeling good and not doing anything to fix it. I’m out of that now though, clearly, and I’m ready to say what I’ve been meaning to say.”

Lindsey stared off into the distance. She bit her lip and nodded for Hayley to go on. 

“I need you,” Hayley said. This part didn’t need to be rehearsed. All of the feelings--well, almost all--that were trapped in her heart got released. “You’re the closest friend I have ever had and I can’t bear to lose you. Everytime I’m down and out, you help me get through it, and now you’ve seen exactly what happens when I’m a little brat and lock you out. Because everything about you makes me happier. Except the nicotine addiction, that can go.”

Lindsey laughed a little and looked up to keep her tears from spilling. 

“But aside from that, you are the best thing in my life and…” And I love you. Hayley’s own eyes filled with tears because no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t say that. 

“And?” Lindsey asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

“And…” FUCK. Hayley was mad, mostly at herself, but also at her boyfriend. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lindsey asked, a tear finally falling down her face. 

Hayley nodded.

“Would you have reacted so horribly if you hadn’t been dating anyone at the time?”

“No, because I wouldn’t have cheated.”

“That’s not, well, not exactly what I’m asking,” Lindsey clarified, sniffling. 

Hayley’s heart couldn’t decide whether to go into overdrive or stop altogether. Her pulse bounced around with the butterflies in her stomach when she realized that Lindsey wanted to know if she liked her. Hayley opened her mouth but realized her answer was best given not by what she could /say/ with her mouth, but by what she could /do/ with it. She leaped forward and pressed her lips against Lindsey’s. Lindsey kissed back. Hayley’s boyfriend didn’t matter anymore. 

Because Lindsey’s lips were cold and salty from her tears and way the hell up there because Lindsey was a whole foot taller, and they fit perfectly on Hayley’s. Then they parted and stared for a few seconds, calculating what had just happened. Hayley realized, for the first time in a while, her mind was perfectly clear, even when she thought of her boyfriend-- a toxic, disgusting excuse for a human. 

“Y’know, Hayley,” Lindsey said, clearing her throat. “I’m starting to think you’re a real lesbian after all.” 

Hayley laughed out loud and shoved Lindsey. In a spur of the moment decision, she scooped a handful of snow from the field and threw it at Lindsey. It exploded like confetti midair, and splattered her like a Jackson Pollock painting. Lindsey went straight for the legs and tackled Hayley. In another minute they were lip-locked again, getting slowly damper from the snowy ground, and making the ugliest snow angel of all time. 

But slowly it got darker and even though Lindsey was the most badass person Hayley knew, she didn’t feel completely safe in such a big space, so the two of them decided to leave. Lindsey took Hayley’s hand and dragged her over to the car. It felt even icier than the last time Hayley had been in it, but Christmas tunes played from the radio and Lindsey’s lipstick was all smudged and when she looked in the fold-down mirror, it was all over her face too. 

As Lindsey drove off school property for the last time that year, Hayley checked her texts. She clicked her tongue as she stared at dozens of angry texts from her boyfriend. They didn’t bother her, not that they ever really did. To him, it was just another night being blown off by his girlfriend so she could go spend time with Lindsey. To Hayley, it was the most empowered she had ever felt. 

“What should we do with him?” Lindsey asked, seemingly using telepathy. 

“I dunno, you’re the one with all the good ideas. How about you read what he said to me when I told him we made out--the first time--and gauge how badly we should fuck him up..”

Lindsey pulled the car over to the side of the road and eagerly scrolled through the hundreds of horrid texts that Hayley had suffered through. Every so often, or whenever Lindsey read a particularly nasty one, she looked up and raised her eyebrows at Hayley. Eventually she handed the phone back to Hayley and leaned back in her chair, eyes narrowed and calculating. She pursed her lips and looked at Hayley. 

“You know what? I’m gonna leave this one up to you,” she eventually replied.

“What? That’s so lame!”

“Hayley, this dude is an asshole. Some of that shit is homophobic, a lot of it is misogynistic, and all of it is just plain mean. I think you need to see what a good relationship is like, and then your common sense will take over and you’ll wreck him so bad that his fragile male ego will never recover.”

“That’s a lot of pressure. If we just dead-leg him or lock him in East High overnight--” Hayley was joking, but Lindsey didn’t need to know that. 

“NOT ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!” Lindsey pulled back onto the road at a million miles per hour and zoomed down the street. 

“Okay, okay,” Hayley laughed. “But like you said, I do need to know what a good relationship is like, since apparently I’ve never been in one of those.”

Lindsey scoffed. “And being your longest friend, I can attest to that. Your first boyfriend, from third grade, sold you to his friend because he said his mommy wouldn’t allow him to have a girlfriend. And from there it only went downhill.”

“Wow,” Hayley replied, “even I forgot I got sold.”

“Exactly. So, why don’t we have a nice Christmas break, and when we come back into reality, you give him a big old feminist merking. Sound good?”

Hayley beamed at Lindsey. Maybe she didn’t see how truly shitty her boyfriend was yet, but she was starting to see the light and it looked pretty beautiful. Lindsey was pretty beautiful. She leaned back in the chair and watched Lindsey drive like a madwoman down the road to her house. She explained that she was gonna make some more hot cocoa and maybe they’d even get to drink it this time, and she kept going on but Hayley was too euphoric to hear her. 

~

“So...” Lindsey said, hiding behind her steaming glass of cocoa. “My mom has a work party downtown tonight, and she’s staying in a hotel overnight. I was planning on throwing a rager because I rarely have the house to myself, and I can only trash Bob’s so many times, /but/ if you wanted to stay over, I would put the party on the back burner. What do you say?”

Hayley fake giggled. “Oooooh, like a sleepover? Linds, this is scandalous. Sounds like my cup of tea.”

“Good,” Lindsey replied, leaning in. “‘Cause that means I can kiss you anytime, without Mother’s watchful eye.” 

Hayley set her cup of cocoa down this time, and allowed Lindsey to roll her back so she was horizontal on the couch. Hayley had always liked that couch. It had been old and raggedy when she’d first met Lindsey, and it wasn’t any better now. It had dips from so many butts sitting in it, and Hayley melted into it. One of Lindsey’s legs hung off of the couch, so eventually Lindsey started sliding off too. Hayley may have accidentally grabbed her by the ass to keep her from Mufasa-ing off the couch. They laughed about it afterwards.

Everything about being with Lindsey was better, now that they were something better than friends. For one, she didn’t have to feel a pang of guilt every time Lindsey called her babe. She got to wear Lindsey’s pajamas, which were soft and smelled like her. And even though they’d been sleeping together for years (Lindsey never made Hayley take the couch), it was so much better to fall asleep in her arms rather than next to them. 

Hayley woke up to a smooth hand tucking hair behind her ear. She prayed to whomever was listening that when she opened her eyes, it had all been real. And it was. Light trickled in from the gaps in the curtains. The door was partially cracked open, and golden light streamed in from there too. Everything looked warm and peaceful, but out of the covers, it was cold. Hayley hunkered down and turned to Lindsey. She laid next to her, petting her hair, singing softly. 

“Back off you little whores, get ‘em on all fours, now let me beat you to the fucking punch. My body’s not even cold…”

Hayley snorted and rolled onto her stomach. “That’s cute, who wrote it? Satan?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Lindsey’s voice was lower than usual, and she spoke slowly. Hayley definitely liked Lindsey’s morning voice. 

“Jimmy wrote that, right?” Hayley asked, pulling some hair out of her mouth. 

Lindsey just smiled evilly and petted Hayley some more. Jimmy was a family friend of Lindsey’s, and they’d known each other longer than Hayley had known Lindsey, somehow. Jimmy was an interesting guy and Hayley wasn’t exactly afraid of him, but she didn’t want to meet him under the full moon, if you get the drift. 

“Gotcha. How is Jimmy these days?” 

“Swell. He’s really honing his craft. Couldn’t you tell by the lyrics?” Lindsey laughed.

“He wasn’t even alive in 1989!” Hayley complained good-naturedly. 

Lindsey shrugged her off and pulled her in. She pressed a kiss on her forehead and snuggled her. Lindsey radiated heat like a furnace and Hayley felt cozy and safe. She really couldn’t believe how much happiness Lindsey evoked, even after all those years. Hayley was perfectly content to lay there for the rest of time.

Her phone rang. 

Hayley looked up at Lindsey and the eye contact forced them both into a fit of laughter. Hayley struggled for her phone and eventually answered. It was her mother, yet again.

“Hello,” she muttered sleepily. “Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was staying at Lindsey’s, I just fell asleep. Yes, I know we have to go see Grandma. Okay, I’ll be ready in fifteen. See you soon. Bye.”

She flopped back down on the bed and Spider-man kissed Lindsey. 

“You know what?” she asked.

“What?”

“It really was the facial hair thing.”

“I told you!”

Hayley sat up quicker than Lindsey could pull back and they ended up with two headaches at ten in the morning. Headache and all, Hayley pulled on still more of Lindsey’s clothes and gathered up her things. 

“Hey, babe, what do you want for Christmas?” Lindsey asked from the bed, where she was being useless and not helping Hayley find her shit. 

“You don’t have to get me anything,” she replied, same as every year. 

“Cool, I want some of those shrooms you did, so jot that down.”

“I DID NOT DO SHROOMS!” Hayley shouted. “And fine, how about you get me a switchblade to stab Brad with because he never pet my hair or sang me shitty, shitty songs.”

“Okay, first things first-- that song is gonna win a Grammy, and secondly, I thought his name wasn’t Brad.”

“A Grammy for worst song of the year.” 

“THAT’S NOT EVEN A THING!”

“Whatever,” Hayley laughed, tying her shoelaces. Lindsey finally got out of bed and helped her up. She gave Hayley a piggy-back ride down the long hallway and stopped in the living room. Hayley didn’t like the hallway. It was dark and when she and Lindsey were nine, they played murder mystery detectives in the hallway and got spooked when the neighbor’s dog started barking. It still haunted her. 

They entered the living room and Hayley instantly felt better. 

“And on the twelfth day of Christmas, I sequestered some coochie,” Lindsey proclaimed as she dropped Hayley onto the couch. 

“Level up!” Hayley laughed, trying not to be winded. “So when am I gonna see you again? Christmas is on Tuesday and I’m pretty busy until then.”

Lindsey sat down next to her. “Wednesday?”

“Cool beans. Oh, and I’ve got one more question for you, should we tell the gang?”

Lindsey pursed her lips in thought. “Dunno. I think it would be funny to see their faces, but I believe it would also be funny to wait and see how long it takes them to figure it out.”

“That would be so funny,” Hayley snorted. “All right, let’s do that.” 

A car honked outside.

“That was definitely /not/ fifteen minutes, I am calling bullshit,” Lindsey sounded offended. “Bring your mother and her clock in here and tell her to square up.”

Hayley laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe. “I thought you said glock, and I was like what the fuck my mom doesn’t have a gun!”

“That’s what she wants you think,” Lindsey replied, laughing equally hard. “She’s a man-woman at night.”

“Oh, God,” Hayley laughed. “I’ve been so blind!”

The car honked again, louder and angrier. 

“I’M COMING, JESUS CHRIST!” Hayley yelled at no one in particular, since there was no way her mother could hear her. 

“Damn, Hayley, you a freak,” Lindsey snorted.

Hayley hit her with her backpack, biting back her laughter. “You’re not subtle AT ALL, Lindsey!” Laughing, she kissed Lindsey goodbye and shouldered her backpack. 

“Bye!” Lindsey shouted, blowing a kiss from the warm insides of her house. Hayley waved back and shut the front door. The cold outside hurt her chapped lips and she missed Lindsey more than ever. It was only going to be a few days, and yet somehow it felt like an eternity. She’d never felt that way about her boyfriend, that’s for sure. 

She piled in the car and buckled up. 

“I take it you’re friends with Lindsey again?” her mother inquired.

“Better than ever, Mom.”

~

Hayley spent the first few days of break wondering what to get Lindsey for Christmas, but when her boyfriend texted her on Christmas day and asked for a “truce” and a “chance to talk” the next day, Hayley got an idea. 

~

“How was your Chrismim?” Lindsey asked, still swathed around Hayley in a hug. 

“It was super good. Yours?”

“Would’ve been better with you,” Lindsey whispered, pressing a kiss on the top of Hayley’s head. 

“God, you’re such a sap. I thought I was the sappy one!” Hayley whined playfully, leaning against the front door, which was still very much open.

“Any reason you’re not coming inside?” Lindsey asked, ignoring Hayley calling her a sap because never in a million years was /Lindsey/ the sap between the two of them. 

“As a matter of fact, there is.” Hayley pulled her keys out of her pocket and jingled them in front of Lindsey’s face.

“I didn’t know you could drive. How come I have to drive you everywhere if you can drive!” Lindsey yelped. She was taken by the hand before she could complain more, dragged down the stairs, and pulled into Hayley’s mom’s car. 

“Is this part of my present or are you kidnapping me?”

“A little bit of both,” Hayley admitted. “But we’re late, so you better put your seatbelt on.”

Lindsey didn’t have time to ask what for and put on her seat belt, so she put on her seat belt and held on while Hayley zoomed down her street. 

“To answer your question,” Hayley continued as they pulled up to East High, ten minutes later. “I can drive, but I don’t like to because I’m bad at it.”

Lindsey didn’t want to agree verbally, but she agreed. She turned toward the school. It looked very much not open, so she was more than a little confused why they were there. Hayley walked off toward the track without another word. 

“Is my present hypothermia, Hayley?” Lindsey asked, jogging up to her. 

Hayley had a smile plastered to her face, but she kept her lips sealed until they got onto the track itself. She smiled even wider at something in the distance and then turned to Lindsey. 

“No. This is your present.”

“That’s very descriptive and terrifying, Hayley, thank you so much,” said Lindsey. She looked over Hayley’s shoulder at what Hayley had noticed before, and it looked remarkably like a person. She didn’t want to be discouraging, but she really wasn’t liking this. 

“Is that great uncle Macbeth who was lost at sea twelve years ago?”

“You seriously have a great uncle named Macbeth?” Hayley asked.

“Yeah, but judging by your tone of voice, that’s not him.”

“It’s not, sorry.” There was a pause.

“So what or who is it?” Lindsey asked.

“It’s your present,” said Hayley, grinning even wider. “Front row seats to a WWE East High smackdown.”

Lindsey blinked. “Is… is that Brad?” Her voice got louder with each word she said. 

Hayley beamed. “Yep. And I’m about to merk him. Oh, and I also got you a Hot Topic gift card in case this isn’t interesting or I end up crying, and because you’re a fucking emo.”

“That’s rich, coming from Ms. Grateful Dead, over here.”

Hayley gave her the middle finger, grinning, and began walking toward her boyfriend. He was not more than twenty feet away, but it was windy and he definitely hadn’t heard them talking. He had no idea what was coming. Lindsey had never been so proud. 

“Hey,” Lindsey said, grabbing a hold of Hayley. “Kick his ass for me.” She gave Hayley a little push to send her on her way. 

Lindsey followed a few feet behind, and waited five feet back, so that she wasn’t in the way. But this was the smack down of the century, and she did, in fact, have front row seats. Hayley had made some out of cardboard. 

Hayley marched forward and met Brad at the center of the field. He didn’t make eye contact at first, probably out of rage. Then he said, 

“You’re gonna let me have a word with her once we’re finished, okay?”

“I am?” Hayley asked, in mock surprise. 

“Yeah, you are.” Then he leaned down to kiss her, but she dodged. 

“Hey, you’ve always gotta ask before you kiss someone, even if you’ve been kissing that person for a long time,” she stated. 

“Oh, my bad,” her boyfriend said. Most of the anger was gone from his voice, but there was a little bemusement from Hayley’s words. “Can I kiss you?”

“I dunno, can you?” Hayley just /knew/ that Lindsey was dying from laughter a few feet back, but she was glad that Lindsey was keeping quiet. 

“I can, but may I?” 

Hayley could tell he was getting a little agitated by now. “No. Brad, I’m breaking up with you.”

“W-what?”

“Yeah. You’re a big bitch, you know that, Brad? Ever since day one when you asked me out, nothing about your words, your tone of voice, your actions, or your thoughts have ever been in any way in my best interest. You’ve been unkind and cruel to me since forever. I’ve heard you say racist things over your headset, and you’ve said misogynistic and homophobic things to me since we started dating. And to be fair, I have never been the best girlfriend, but you have never, ever given me a reason to be. I go to your house and it’s either watch you suck at Overwatch, or try not to vomit while you suck at having sex. But, here’s the thing here--”

“Hayley, you’re--”

“Shut the fuck up, I am not finished talking to you. See? You interrupt me. You disrespect me, and you’ve never loved or even liked me. Or, maybe you did, maybe I’m not just a plaything or something to stick your stupid dick into, but either way, I am done with you. You don’t deserve me. I am a luxury, Brad, not a necessity. And if you don’t put in what you expect to receive, than you will never, ever get what you want. And I hope some of this gets to you because at some point you need to learn from experience, and I hope this helps you become a better person.” Hayley took a deep breath. “Now, here’s the part that you’re going to focus around when you tell your friends about how you dumped my gay ass. Yeah, you heard me, gay. See that stupidly gorgeous girl behind me? The one you wish you could have? That’s Lindsey. She’s my best friend and guess what? She is also my girlfriend. And she’s taught me that I deserve love and I deserve to be treated better than you have even treated me and it’s not because I’ve been gay all along. That’s not why I’m breaking up with you. It’s because it took someone genuinely caring about me for me realize that you are a stupid, ugly, misogynistic piece of shit and that you don’t deserve my time. Because even no boyfriend is better than you. Good day, Brad.”

Hayley spat at his feet and strutted away. Back to Lindsey where she felt safe. 

“WHO THE FUCK IS BRAD?” shouted her miserable excuse for an ex-boyfriend. 

Hayley burst out laughing while they walked back to the car. Hayley wasn’t sad. At all. She was nervous, so nervous that her laughter turned into tears and then the tears kept coming. Lindsey linked arms with her and helped her keep walking, even when she started to cry. Lindsey stuck her tongue out at Brad before they turned the corner and he fell out of sight. 

Hayley gave Lindsey the keys so Lindsey got into the driver’s seat. She locked the doors just in case, and turned on the heat. She rubbed Hayley’s back while she composed herself and Lindsey smiled proudly.

“Sorry,” Hayley whimpered. “I just-- it was such a rush and now it’s over with and I’m--” she let out a sob. “--I’m so happy he’s gone that I--” she leaned over and buried her face in Lindsey’s shoulder. 

“You did such a great job, Hayley. I’m so proud of you. You merked him so good, babe. His ego may never recover.”

“Nah,” Hayley muttered. “He’ll be fine in a day or two. I really hope whoever is next is treated a little better than I was.”

“Me too. You’re in better hands now, though. I’ve got you.”

Hayley leaned back and looked at Lindsey the same way a rescued animal looks at its saviour. “Thank you,” she whispered. 

Lindsey bit back the lump in her throat. “Can I kiss you?” 

Hayley laughed a little. “Yes, of course.” 

And she leaned in. She put a hand on Lindsey’s cheek to warm her icy fingers. Their faces were so close together that as Hayley’s tears dried, their faces stuck together. Lindsey ran her fingers through Hayley’s hair and eventually pulled her into a hug. In truth, she never, ever wanted to let go. 

“Unfortunately, I think my gift is gonna be a little anticlimactic after that,” she whispered, sniffling. 

Hayley laughed and wiped her tears off of her face. “I told you you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Yeah, well, sue me.”

“I can and will, see you in court,” Hayley laughed. “Sorry, just kidding.”

Lindsey pulled out a little package with a bow on it. Hayley took it gingerly and stared at it for a few seconds. 

“I’ve always wanted a box.”

“That’s it, I’m taking it back.”

“No, no, I’m just joking, fuck off!” Hayley laughed, opening it before Lindsey’s long spindly hands could take it back. Inside was a picture in a picture frame. The picture was from their sleepover. Hayley was still asleep, and Lindsey was playing with her hair. It was the most calming image Hayley had ever seen. It was framed, and would definitely be going next to her bed, but before she could comment on it, she noticed an inscription. Written in Lindsey’s messy handwriting, were the words, 

“Always love yourself as much as I love you.”

Hayley started to cry again. She set the picture on her lap and hugged Lindsey again, repeatedly telling Lindsey she loved it. Lindsey pulled her back and held her gently by the face. 

“Remember that, okay? Love yourself, please. ‘Cause I’ve been doing all the work around here for a long time and--” Hayley hugged her again, squeezing her tight. 

Lindsey sighed, not only because Hayley was squeezing the air out of her, but also from relief. “Merry Christmas, Hayley,” Lindsey whispered, kissing the side of her head. 

Hayley smiled into Lindsey’s embrace. “Merry Christmas.”

**Author's Note:**

> The real Christmas miracle is that i managed to never once name her boyfriend


End file.
